Slowing Down To Enjoy The Scenery

Do you ever just feel like you are running on auto-pilot? I know I talk often about time passing too quickly and my kids growing up faster than I would like.

My mother was telling me about a conversation she had with my brother the other night. He was recalling a very scary event in his life when his 6 year old daughter had to have an emergency brain surgery because of an aneurysm that had occurred. M, his daughter is doing great and it has been about 6 years since that very frightening night. He was telling my mom that he stopped and looked at her lying on the sofa, sick with the flu, and it all came rushing back...the emotions of that time. He said that during that time he was so busy with surgeries, therapies, etc., all while still preaching every Sunday to his congregation, that he never really had time to feel the grief and the sadness while it was occurring.

I remember having newborns. I remember feeling desperate, tired and emotionally drained. I remember feeling like I wished the "newborn stage" would hurry up and be over. I was ready to get some sleep. I don't know how well that I relished the opportunity to hold and rock my babies because quite frankly, I wanted them to sleep..in a bed..in their bed..all night long. I was even too afraid to go in their rooms and watch them peacefully sleeping after they finally fell asleep, in fear that the creak of the door might wake them. Did I let those moments slip by me or did they just go by too quickly?

Do you ever just feel like your life is full of calendars, to do lists, schedules, and routines that you are always living life a few days ahead of yourself? It's like vacation. You have to plan and prepare to go on vacation, while on vacation there is so much you want to fit in, and before you know it your on your way back home.

I this post by Ann yesterday and it all fit in with what I was thinking. You should read it, but my favorite quote from that post is this:

"When I fully enter into now, the weight of being fully in the moment slows time down. Full attentiveness is the only thing that does."

I love that and I couldn't agree more with that statement. When you are truly "in the moment", being fully attentive, you do seem to relish in it more. Your paying attention, you've slowed down to enjoy it. I remember being on vacation this past summer with my family and while swimming the pool with my daughter, both of us looking silly in our goggles and mask, we were looking at each other under the water and laughing in the moment. I remember thinking to myself REMEMBER THIS. It is like those days when I had those sweet babies resting in my arms and would stop to smell their little heads...REMEMBER THIS I would think. Or lately, when I catch a glimpse of my son and hear him counting "one, two, free, go" and jumping off the chair then rolling with laughter....REMEMBER THIS.

I want to have more REMEMBER THIS moments and less panic over what "has" to be done. I want to slow down and be more attentive. I want to experience the joy of a moment and stay there a minute to savor it and be thankful for it. Pay attention. Be IN the moment, not just OF the moment.


(I guess I did actually go in and sneak a picture of a little one sleeping.)
REMEMBER THIS:

(K helping make cobbler a couple of years ago)
REMEMBER THIS:

(A beautiful smile on a chilly day)
REMEMBER THIS:

My Head and Heart..All Over the Place

I'm not quite sure what my problem is, but I find myself wanting to write here on this blog often, however I can't seem to get a coherent thought much less an entire post out of me lately.

First of all, I am busy, literally covered up with work. There are so many files to process every day, along with the simple daily routines like breakfasts, , lunches, carpools, ballet practices, etc. Notice I didn't say, mop the floors, dust the furniture...that is just temporarily on hold for the moment. I NEED a Maid!

Second, and more to the root of why I am unable to process my thoughts, is that I keep hearing of bad news. The most recent of which is M's best friend's mom who was diagnosed on Easter Sunday with pancreatic cancer and apparently the prognosis is not good. She also happens to be M's assistant principal at her school. This news is devastating not only as a friend, but as a mom. I just can't imagine. My heart is breaking for the mom herself...for the husband...for the nine year old little girl who loves her mom so dearly. I have offered my assistance in helping in any way I can, but this just doesn't seem like enough.

I am trying to process all of this information, figure out a way I can help, and trying to get my words together to just explain it all to my daughter. To be honest, I am having a hard time digesting it myself, especially with this big lump in my throat and my heart aching, let alone explain it to a (almost) nine year old.

Different

As often as I remind myself that my kids are growing up entirely too fast, and that one day all these things I will miss dearly, I still find myself having a bad attitude about the littlest things, like reading a book for the 1,000th time, giving baths at night, "one more drink of waters" at bedtime, or toys not put away. It is very hard to remain focused on the pure joy of those moments when you are in the middle of them. However, this past week I have thought differently.

Last week when I read about baby Stellan in the hospital and seeing his sweet, baby boy face it just put things in perspective for me. I couldn't imagine what "MckMama" is going through. Yet, just a month ago I found myself in a situation with my daughter, praying over her in the Emergency Room, having MRI's, CT Scans, EEG's, and in an instant you begin to see things differently. In my case, M appears to be a healthy 8 year old little girl who happens to have a form of adolescent epilepsy. Stellan, however, is still struggling in the hospital with heart problems at only 5 months old.

When you think of how short life is, how very precious life is, how very fragile life is....it makes you see things different no matter what they are.

I choose to see things different this week...the good and the bad. I choose to see them as gifts instead of frustrations. I choose the joy in them. I'm reminding myself how dearly I would miss any of these things.

Smudges on the cabinets...I see different.

Snotty noses...I see different.

Wet beds, dirty laundry....I see different.

Bath time splashes that get the whole bathroom wet...I see different.

Reading the same book over and over...I see different.

Bedtime rituals...I see different.

Carpool rushes...I see different.

Homework challenges...I see different.

Five plates, five forks, five cups to clean every night after supper....I see different.

Smiles...I appreciate more

Giggles...I listen harder.

Giant hugs and wet kisses...I savour them.

Snuggles...I treasure them.

Tiny Toes...I gaze longer.

The smell of my baby boys neck....I sniff deeper.

The precious "morning hug" from K...I squeeze tighter.

The flash of a beautiful smile, now adorned with silver from M...I make a mental picture and smile back.

A Mother's Worst Fear

My best friend and I often discuss our worst fear is that something would happen to one of our children. I know it is pointless to worry because we know that God is in control, but as a mom it is hard not to. My friend has had several good friends in her town struck with bad news lately of sick children. Her, along with my own, heart breaks for these families, these moms, these children. We know all too well how devastating it would be to find out one of our children was extremely ill.

The latest news she has received is of a close friend's seven year old little boy, Brennan, that has just been diagnosed with leukemia. The news comes as an obvious blow to that family and all of their friends. During the course of the next few days they will test to see if it has entered his spine, along with testing his siblings to see if anyone is a match for his bone marrow. They have a long road ahead of them with chemotherapy, illness, discomfort and sadness.

Would you join me in praying for Brennan and his family? I realize that you, along with me, do not know this boy or his family, but I feel I can do my part by praying for them during my quiet time, just as I pray for my own children. I have personally witnessed the camaraderie of Christians here in the blogosphere and I know that the power of prayer works. I also know our great God is still in the business of performing miracles. I also know that he can comfort those that need comforting in a time of sorrow. So, if you would, say a little prayer for this sweet, young boy and his family this week as you thank God for the health of your loved ones.

Tomorrow Will Be Here Soon Enough

It's raining here again today. There is nothing like a depressing movie on the weekend followed by several days of rain and gloom to keep you down in the dumps. It also didn't help my mood much when I awoke an hour late today, the first day back to school....Not EXACTLY the foot I wanted to get off on this day/this week/ this year! What's done is done. I can't rewind the clock to set a slower pace for the day, and I can't stop God from giving our ground a good drink of water, I can't undo what is already done. I CAN try to do better tomorrow. Tomorrow is it's own day. I also can choose to have a different mood. After all, it might not be the best of days or the prettiest of days, but HE created to be just like this.

Tomorrow I will (hopefully) start my day at the right time, get M to school without rushing, then I will take my sweet K to the doctor. K has had a number of symptoms for 6 months now (all getting more frequent), that could or could not be related. Nevertheless, I am a worried mom and I want to make sure my child is OK.

Just to give a little history, K complains of abdominal pain quite a bit(here lately), she has a loss of appetite and therefore has lost weight, she is tired often. It's funny because all these together in that sentence look so obvious that there is something wrong, but actually it hasn't been so obvious, especially the weight. She has grown so tall lately, that her thinness seemed to be explained. She also has always been a little picky with her eating, and since I have been trying to not feed her chicken fingers and fries every meal, she has been more reluctant to eat what I have made... so the loss of appetite/ weight might be just that. In addition, my husband was very thin, tall, and a picky eater as a child.

I guess I just want to know everything is OK. In other words, I don't want a doctor to tell me it's not a big deal, or everything is fine, when they actually DON'T know if that is true. Let's test for it and then they can tell me it's not that. I realize that a doctor can't order a test for every possible thing it might be, but we certainly can get started and rule out some of the obvious ones like issues with iron or glucose to vitamin deficiencies.(Here is where I am going to leave out all the horrible possiblities that I have already googled and worried myself sick about) I'm going in there tomorrow prepared and I hope to get us started in the right direction. Prayers are welcomed.

Now, enough about tomorrow, because it's still today.

Welcome Holy Child

One of my favorite Christmas songs is "Welcome To This World" and I don't know about you, but after having a child of your own, it means even more. I look at my sweet baby boy and just imagine. Imagine what it would have been like.

"Tiny fingers sent to heal us...
Tender brow prepared for thorns...
Tiny heart who's blood will save us...
Welcome to this world."I can't even imagine.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Hope

Lately, the news has been flooded with depressing news. There are the scandals on Wall Street and corrupt politicians, to the uncaring shoppers who trampled a Walmart employee on Black Friday, just to grab that single item at a bargain price. There are also reports on the local news of many bank robberies and even one family held at gun point, in their own home, while the intruders stole all of their wrapped presents under their tree. My own parents' house was broken into last week. Thankfully, they were not there and they didn't get anything of real value.

Hard times. Financial insecurity. Desperate people. Scary thought.
To be in such despair, having no hope, feeling a sense of urgency that would make you do things so careless.

All this amidst the season we are celebrating. The irony of it is amazing. Celebrating the birth of our Savior, our King and by His birth gave us hope and peace, the very opposite of despair.

It doesn't really matter how many pretty packages are under the tree or if we find good bargains at Walmart. It doesn't even matter if your floors don't sparkle for your guests, if your Christmas cookies are just perfect, or if you send out those cute Christmas cards this year. None of it matters.

Some people out their are missing it, missing the meaning of the season. In a desperate attempt to find money for presents for their children, or an attempt to hold on to their social status, they are missing it.

So don't find yourself wishing you had more for yourself or your children this Christmas, although very hard to do sometimes. Don't despair or have a lack of hope for the future, for our KING has come and brought us that very thing. In Him alone we find hope and a future. Him alone.

And for two other great Christmas reminders, one about not "missing it" and the other about the simple things, please check out this from Wendymom and this one from Lotts of Scotts. Two great reads!

Friends

I am lucky enough to get the spend this Saturday night with my girlfriends from high school. We have had this annual Christmas party every year and it is always so much fun to re-connect with these dear friends and remember old days in the past.

Last Friday night, I went to an annual ornament swapping party with a different set of friends, many of which are in my small bible study group. These women also hold a very special place in my heart. I have shared some of my deepest thoughts with these women, and they with me.

Within the past 10 months I have made new friends via blogging, some of whom I have never even met, but feel like I know them very well. I have enjoyed reading about their lives, their families, their friends, their battles, their disappointements, and their joy.

My life has richly been blessed by friends. One of my dear sweet friends sent me this video today. Please take a moment to watch. I think you will relate.

*(Don't forget to pause my music player at the bottom of the page)*

More Naughty Than Nice

We ventured out the other day to do a little Christmas shopping at the mall with the entire family in tow. It sounded like a good enough idea at first, but ended up with two whining girls in the department stores tired of walking, wanting to go home practically 10 minutes after getting there, and J fussing in his stroller because he didn't get his nap in. It's always crazy when you try to take kids shopping, much less 3 of them in the Men's department of Macy's. I mean, I about go crazy myself spending more than about 10 minutes in a Men's section. There is only so many golf shirts, ties and brown shoes that one can stand to look at!

No, it really wasn't that bad. A little whining and complaining, but that was to be expected. What did strike me was that we found ourselves surrounded by huge pictures of Calvin Klein models wearing nothing but their briefs. Bless my two little girls hearts! M looked at me in disgust and said, "Now, that's just inappropriate!" I smiled and agreed and just let it die, only until a half hour later we were cruising down the mall and passed Frederick's of Hollywood. Oh My. What is she going to say about this one And then it came..."Mom, did you see that picture? That was just gross. Her underwear was up her butt."

It's really sad when you can't even take your kids to the mall to Christmas shop without finding yourself exposing them to things you wished you hadn't.

Tis the season of this generation, I guess.

Something to Ponder

What have I missed?? My hard drive crashed and I have been without a computer for a few days. Fortunately, they were able to save all of my stuff! Whew! Anyway, not having a computer for a couple of days was paralyzing. I couldn't read my favorite blogs, couldn't do a quick google reference, and most importantly, couldn't work. Whoever once said, "you don't miss it until it's gone," was so very true, however, I don't think that person was referring the the world wide web.

Seriously, think about it...we have everything literally at the tips of our fingers. It's almost too convenient, too easy. It's no wonder that we have become so lazy. I mean, why call a friend when you could just text them? Why go out and fight crowds at the mall, when you can just sit in your pj's and order all your Christmas presents? You can even find a partner on the Internet...who needs good old fashioned courting? Mmmmmm...says something about our generation, doesn't it? Just imagine what our children's generation will be like.

Oh, but it's so good to have a computer again!! What did I ever do without one?

Greatest Gift Of All

The other night the girls and I put up our playroom Christmas tree and of course we pulled out the Christmas music to put us in the mood. I had a ball watching the girls pull out the ornaments and squeal with delight as they found their "favorites" and carefully found a good spot for them on the tree. They laughed and giggled as they did this together and it brought me so much joy to watch.

Later, T and I gave them the Walmart, Target and American Girl catalogs that had come in the mail to look through so that they could begin their wish lists to Santa. Alabama (oh, I'm a fan of some Christmas country!) was playing quietly on the Cd player while my girls were "oooh-ing" and "ahhh-ing" over toys, dolls, and games. I heard a lot of "Ooooh, I REALLY want THAT!," and "Gotta have THIS," but what I heard above it all was the laughter, the smiles, the excitement, the joy, ..the memory that they were making sitting right their on their bean bags. Belly laughter, rolling around on the bean bags, messed up hair, pj's on, making a wish list for Santa along with best friend, sister.

T noticed it too, and we both looked at each other with affection, and I said to him, "You know what? We have already given them one of the biggest gifts that we ever could.....each other. A sister."

Although I do have a brother and a sister, they are 8 and 9 years my senior, so as you can imagine, I was somewhat like an only child growing up. Years have seemed to make the 8 year gap grow smaller somehow and I'm extremely lucky to have both my brother and my sister, yet as I looked at my girls that evening, I couldn't help but feel a slight bit of jealousy because I didn't have the same experience. The joy of growing up together with a sibling is priceless.

I know that most days around my house don't exactly look as nice and "Hallmark-ish", because the reality is that they fight and argue quite a bit. On days like those, I could "sell them for a nickel and get change," as a very, wise lady recently told me. However, on the good days, I'm always overjoyed when I see the two of them bonding, loving each other, and enjoying each other. A great gift. I hope they will always see it that way themselves. I hope that they always see each other as a forever friend.

"A sister...A little bit of childhood that can never be lost."

"Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know that whatever you do, they'll still be there."

All this being said, I don't think that either one of them would appreciate no gifts on Christmas morning and us informing them that we had already given them the huge gift of "sisterhood", so we'll let them keep writing their wish list, even though the former sure would be a lot easier on the pocketbook.

Different

All the local shops are gearing up for Christmas. Walmart even had out Chritmas decorations before Halloween I'm pretty sure.(Look..I have even decorated my blog with Christmas colors) The wish lists have begun, spinning from all the toy commercials on t.v. right now. This is the time that most of us start losing control, spending too much money and worrying about what the Christmas dinner will consist of.

I ran across this video at holyexperience today and thought I would also share it here. Take a look.



Let's try to be different this year.

God Is So Good

For an update on MckMama and baby Stellan go to her blog and see her little miracle baby. Truly amazing. God is so good.

Scooping Out the Pulp

We have a book that we love reading this time of year. A precious aunt gave it to the girls last fall and we have enjoyed reading it so much. It is called, My Happy Pumpkin God's Love Shining Through Me and the author is Crystal Bowman. The book tells the story of a farmer carefully planting his pumpkin seed, watering it, pulling out the weeds, and watching it grow. Then the story tells about scooping away the "pulp and slop", throwing it away, carving the jack-o-lantern and putting in the light.

I found this book to be a great example of the way God nurtures us. How He carefully plants the seed, watches us grow, cleans out the mess and the "slop", and puts his light in us.

I am thankful for the simple reminders of how God loves us, takes care of us, and "scoops out our slop" to make us more like Him. And I am thankful to be able to share this hope with my children as we carve our pumpkins tonight.

Prayers for MckMuffin

I have enjoyed for months reading MckMama's blog. She is one incredible mom of beautiful children, "Big Mac", "MckNugget", and "Small Fry" and soon to be "MckMuffin" that is expected to arrive today. Baby Stellan (aka "MckMuffin) has had his MckMama worried in the womb as he has had some complications with an enlarged heart. So many people are praying for baby Stellan and his family...would you do it to?

There is a prayer vigil throughout the day that another blogger has set up if you wish to do that, otherwise, just whisper a prayer for them this morning if you could.

(And by the way, if you check out MckMamas site, be sure to check out how many people have used clever ways to spell Stellan. Pretty cool idea.)

Cozy

Today is a very cold, dark, and rainy day in my area. The kind of day that makes it so difficult to peel yourself out of the bed in the morning and go about your normal routine and daily activities.

Most of the time when the weather is gloomy, like today, my emotions and mood seem to be gloomy as well. Not today. Today, I am thankful to have a day that forces me to be inside, snuggle with my daughter under a warm blanket and read a book to her, or to put on my favorite fuzzy socks that warm my toes. My house just seems so comfortable, cozy today. Today I am thankful for my house, and today, I am thankful for the inclement weather that forces me to slow down and breathe a little, soaking in the warmth of a home, the warmth of a snuggle, and the warmth of God's hands around my little family. Today is cozy.

25 things to describe my Dad

intelligent
loving
thoughtful
considerate
funny
loveable
patriotic
forgiving
dominant
loud
proud
compassionate

lawyer
friend
speaker
democrat
bulldog fan
hero
politician
advisor
provider
son
grandfather
husband

..and best of all...FATHER.

I love you Dad. Happy Birthday. You are an not only an inspiration, but also a great contributor of my joy in life. You mean the world to me.

As Time Goes By..

I realize that all of you are probably sick of me whining about my life going by too quickly, or my kids growing up to fast, but try to bear with me over the next few days, because Saturday is a big day...

As we quickly approach our baby boy's first birthday, once again, I am struck with the reality that my children are growing up much too quickly. As I rocked little J back to sleep last night, I was flooded with emotions, mostly guilt.

"I haven't rocked him enough..."

"I didn't smell his tiny forehead enough, soaking in that sweet scent of baby."

"I haven't read enough books to him...haven't sung to him as often as I should."

All these things almost brought me to tears, but I know the reality is that I DID DO all these things, and I certainly TRIED to savor the moments, making mental pictures, trying to absorb in all of it during his first year. Life is just so darn quick. It gets even quicker the more we try to do in a day...carpools, lunches, laundry, work, dinners, baths...all the everyday things we do about our normal lives. But at the end of the day, I don't want to look back at the past years with regret. I want to read the books, sing the songs, take time to kiss and hug, more than I do the other things that don't matter as much. Somebody once said, "Your children will not remember if their kitchen was clean, or that the floors of their home were spotless, but what they will remember is that you took special time with them." Who cares, if at the end of the day, that my sink has dishes in it? Isn't it far more important that they remember me taking the time to sing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" one more time, while tucking them in at night, or that I stopped mopping my floors when they needed me to read them a story? Isn't that, after all, much more important?

All this being said, I still think, even if I do this, that I would sit and think after all my children are grown, "I didn't do enough...I should have enjoyed it more." In a way, I want them to remain little forever, but then again, I don't. I'm excited about seeing my children grow up because I know God has a special plan and purpose for them. How wonderful it will be to watch all that unfold. I just want to again, stop and remind myself of how very precious this time is. To stop and slow down the pace...stop rushing so much. I'm making memories today for my children, as well as myself, and I want them to be good memories.

Today...

Today, I am reminded...

Of so many people that lost loved ones....

Of so many children that will grow up and never
have known their father, or their mother.

Of how many heroes that were made that one tragic
day.

Of horrible images from the TV.


Those same images that were played over and over.

Those scenes that you couldn't watch without crying, even
from the comfort and safety of your own home.

Those scenes of devastation, desperation, and horror mixed in
with the scenes of honor, patriotism and heroism.



Today, I am free...thanks to all those people fighting to
make that possible.

Today, I feel like my children are safe because of all those brave
men and women.

Today, I am proud of my country.

Today, I am thankful.

A 3rd Grader

Our summer vacation is officially over now, with M starting school this morning. I feel like we did a lot this summer and most importantly we just spent time together, as a family. However, it did go by too quickly, as always, and this morning I had to wake up to the horrible buzz of the alarm clock, which came much too soon, waking me from my sweet slumber and warm bed. Here it was. The first day of school and my sweet little girl is now a third grader.

Yesterday, I wasn't ready for a new school year, a third grade school year. Today, while driving M to school, I realized that I am actually ready for a new year. It helped a lot that M was excited for school and didn't "even need to be walked in" this morning because she's "a third grader now." I told her, as she left the car, that this was the start of a brand new year and that she could be whatever, whoever she wanted to be...the smartest girl in 3rd grade, the sweetest girl in 3rd grade, whatever she wanted. A brand new year, one that brings a clean slate, a new teacher, new friends, new surroundings. Of course there is one thing that does not, and will not ever change..the fact that she is a child of God and I reminded her of all of that before she left my car this morning. Of course, I also gave her sloppy wet kisses and told her too many times how much I loved her and how proud I was of her.

Driving home after that conversation, it all just sunk into me. Wow. "A new year. A clean slate. Child of God. He never changes"..... HE allows us so many "2nd chances", cleans our "slate", makes us new, but He NEVER changes. He remains the same, He is solid ground. In a world and a life that is constantly bringing about changes and new things, isn't it just nice to rest on that simple fact, that He never does change? It is certainly comforting for me and I'm so glad he gave me the reminder this morning.

Here is my happy third grade girl!

She already looks like a third grader!!