I have said in several posts that I don't know when I became in such a hurry. I try so hard to tell myself to stop and savor in sweet moments and precious times with my family because I have seen how quickly time passes us by, but still sometimes I find myself trying to rush through things. I know I am not alone in this because there are many songs out there pertaining to this very thing, "Dont Blink", by Kenney Chesney, "You're Gonna Miss This", by Trace Adkins and the oldie, "I'm In A Hurry", by Alabama (all of which are in my music box on this blog). I swear, country music is the best!
This past week was a very busy one for me with work. Wednesday and Thursday were particularly busy and I actually woke up, threw on some clothes and began working both days as soon as M left for school and literally did not get done until she arrived back home in the afternoon. I did manage a break or so during that time to feed two children, change a few diapers, and take a shower for me, with no makeup or styling of the hair, I might add...strictly to get clean. I was truly exhausted and short fused at the end of those two days.
On Thursday night I was getting the girls to bed when I realized that we hadn't read M's story for homework and one that she would be tested on the following day. That's when the rush started..."Use the bathroom...Brush your teeth...Hop in the bed...Listen to the story..." Just a whole series of commands for the girls with the added rush, rush, rush tone of voice. During the entire story, which was unusually long this week, K would stop and point out something in a picture (on just about every single page). After a few questions by K and a few quick responses by me, I said, "Ok, no more questions. We have to read the story."
We finished the story I tucked K in bed and then tucked M in bed, kisses, hugs, wind the music box.... and on the way out the door, M says, "Mommmmmmy?" (the way both of them do every single night to ask me some silly question or say something totally off the wall as a stall tactic) "Ughhh, What?", in a very sharp "what now?" kind of voice. It is then when God used my sweet angel to show me how I was being.
M teared up and said, "Never mind." Oh no....the realization of how badly I had been behaving set in with me.
"What is it, M?" I asked, in a much sweeter tone....slowing down, taking time to listen.
"Why are you yelling at me and K?" she asked.
"I'm not yelling at you and K." I responded.
"Well, you're just acting...." and bless her heart she didn't really know how to say it, I guess.
"I just had a very busy day. I'm just ready to have y'all in bed and mommy have some time alone." ..I thought this was easy enough....
"Why? Do you not love me and K?" she asks.
Oh, blow right to the heart! I explained to her that yes, I love her and K dearly and love spending time with them, but that sometimes I just needed a moment for some "mommy time". I related it to her wanting to play with her friends next door. I explained that even though she loves to be at home, she also likes sometimes to go next door and play with her friends. She understood the analogy and I was relieved because I'm not sure how much sense it made to me...but it's all I had at the moment. Most importantly I swallowed my pride, admitted I was very wrong, apologized and told her I shouldn't be in such a hurry. Of course I followed that up with many more kisses and hugs and another wind of the music box, and probably "one more sip of water".
I desperately want to slow down the pace, take it all in, savor in the sweet moments and the pure and simple joy that is given to me on a daily basis. I know I will have my moments, but I am hoping that I can do better about being so rushed so that when my kids are all grown up, I don't look back and wish I would've spent more time with them, read more books to them, snuggled with them a little longer at bedtime, or listened to them more when they were talking.... I'm slowing down the pace for them and for me.